Mother’s Day - A reflection on 10 years of confusing Mother’s Day emotions

I struggled today. I spent most of my day avoiding social media. Then I spent time sending love and wishes to the amazing mamas I know in this life (as many as I could before I had to take a break again). I spent most of the day debating whether to even post this.

Today is complicated. I miss my mom so much; we had a very complicated relationship that didn’t truly know peace until after she died and I found forgiveness and understanding. This is the 10th year without my mom on Mother’s Day. I wish I could send her flowers. I wish I could call and say I love you.

I wish it was that simple - when she was alive I did these things, but it wasn’t ever simple.

Today I allowed my heart free range to roam through all the feels, regardless of what they were. I shed tears more than once.

I watched people celebrating with generations all together, I watched families with new babies, pregnant women, people helping their parents the way one has to help a child - each of these observations impacted me, and my very tender heart. I celebrated with them inside myself and felt the changes and seasons of life so deeply.

I reflect on love and gratitude and how you can have so much of both (I sure do)  and also feel sad, lonely and vulnerable.

They are not mutually exclusive.

Even though not all my feels felt comfortable, I am grateful for them all - they remind me how alive I am. If today is hard, I love you and I’m thinking of you. If today is amazing, I’m celebrating for you, and with, you.

Happy Mother’s Day to you all, whatever that looks like for you.

-Andrea Sugar May, 2025